A schoolyard classic. Someone calls you a dork. Standard schoolyard protocol is to respond with, "yeah, i know i'm a D.O.R.K.: Dynamite Out of sight Radical Kid!" Now how is it that the internet does not have this phrase anywhere in existence? (Zero results on google). Is the internet not a schoolyard of fun? The internet certainly is the schoolyard of fun. Therefore, this phrase; "Dynamite, Out of Sight, Radical Kid" needs to exist online.

It even has a nice rhythm to it. DynaMITE outtaSIGHT radical kid.
cha cha CHA
uh uh AH!

Wasn't this a phrase that everyone said in response to being called a dork? Or am I living in another world? Much like where I thought everyone knows what a skelbow is.

Yesterday I listed a bunch of quotes by me. That was a little... self-indulgent. Today I want to list some quotes that are much more important. Here are some verses that I've researched in the past year:

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
—Proverbs 17:22 ESV


do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
—Philippians 4:6-7 ESV


Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name.
—Psalm 86:11 ESV


The law of the Lord is perfect,
reviving the soul;

the testimony of the Lord is sure,
making wise the simple;

the precepts of the Lord are right,
rejoicing the heart;

the commandment of the Lord is pure,
enlightening the eyes;

the fear of the Lord is clean,
enduring forever;

the rules of the Lord are true,
and righteous altogether.
—Psalm 19:7-9 ESV


For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
—Isaiah 9:6 ESV

Everyone should have their own collection of insightful quotes they have said. Thanks to the age of the internet, I'm able to go back to previous blog posts and comments to find some of my sayings.

"Giving thanks are the concrete steps to happiness"
—Matt Maldre, 2008

"Because we live on a globe, wherever you are, you are on top of the world."
—Matt Maldre, 2003

"Age is not how old you are, but how many years of fun you’ve had."
—Matt Maldre, 2007

"There's none better traction than the treads on your own two shoes."
—Matt Maldre, 2008

"Do not throw away unused napkins."
—Matt Maldre, 2008

"With large umbrellas, come large responsibilities"
—Matt Maldre, 2003

"I like the word 'understanding,' because it's standing under something. We always try to climb on top of things, instead of getting underneath."
—Matt Maldre, circa 2008

"Walking backwards is a lot like life. You can't really see where you going, only where you've been. You can kinda know where you are going, but you never know exactly what's ahead."
—Matt Maldre, circa 1997

I encourage anyone to write something down if you or someone else says something insightful.

Transform a co-worker's desk into a themed paradise! Find an image online. Print out 200 copies. Tape them all over your co-worker's desk. Here's a couple pranks I've done while in the Tribune Tower. To read the entire story for each prank, click on the image and you'll get to their full art page.

Corny Joke


Monkey Invasion

Can you believe that there is an actual character that you can type that is a question mark and exclamation point all mashed up into one‽ And can you believe that this character was invented in 1962‽ Are we allowed to be creating new characters‽ I'd like to mash up the parenthesis and the dash so that way I don't have to worry about which one I'm supposed to use when I'm writing about a side-point.

But back to this mashed-up exclamation point and question mark. It's called the interrobang. This dude, Martin Speckter was the head of some ad agency, and he thought ads would look better if a single character was used to express surprised rhetorical questions. Some other names considered for the interrobang were: rhet, exclarotive, and exclamaquest.

Interrogatio is Latin for "a rhetorical question" or "cross-examination"; bang is printers' slang for the exclamation point.

Now how about we get going on merging the parenthesis and the dash‽ (actually, wouldn't that look like the euro‽)

Huge props to the official Tom of Xanga for commenting on my blog post about Whoat and bringing the interrobang to light.

Next time something happens that makes you really happy, copy and paste the following:

NOW WE ARE SO HAPPY,
WE DO THE DANCE OF JOY!
Dai Dai Dai Dai
Da-dai Da-dai Dai-dai Da-DAI
Hey! hey! hey! hey!
hey! hey! hey! HEY!!!
*leaps into your arms*

Here is the original dance of joy in action with Balki and Larry on the great tv show Perfect Strangers:


And one dance of joy isn't enough, here's a second one!


(thanks to cat for fav'ing this youtube video, and for being the original inspiration to do the dance of joy with me via email)

Six stolen bases is the most in one game done by Otis Nixon (1991-06-16) and Eric Young (1996-06-30). Baseball-reference has a great tool called the Play Index where you can look up all sorts of crazy stats. While watching the 15 inning All-Star game, here's some things I learned while playing with this tool:

Records for one game (since 1956):

Most earned runs in one game is 14 by Mike Quist on 1998-08-03 and Bill Travers on 1977-08-14. I would really love to fill out a score card from this game. That would be fun. Seriously. I'm thinking about buying a blank Cleveland Indian scorecard from 1977 and filling it out with the box score from this 14 earned run game.

Most balks in one game. Bob Shaw did five on 1963-05-04. (Did this guy have some twitch or something? Sheesh!)

Most stolen bases allowed by a pitcher in one game. Stan Spencer on 2000-05-18 allowed 10 stolen bases. (Cliff Floyd stole 3--and he had three errors!), Luis Castillo 3 stolen bases, Mark Kotsay 2, Preston Wilson 2. Oddly enough with 10 stolen bases in one game, the Marlins scored only two runs losing 6-2.)

Most pickoffs in one game. Jarry Garvin on 1977-05-25 and Bill Wright on 1956-07-03 both got four pickoffs. (The runners must have been idiots in this game. Yankees 3B Andy Carey got picked off twice by Bill Wright.)

Worst game ever for a batter? Jose Vidal on 9/13/1967 went 0-for-6, striking out four times, and grounded into two double plays.

Only two players have 6 stolen bases in one game. Otis Nixon and Eric Young. (Young stole home once, third once, and second four times. Against Hideo Nomo--he's one of the worst pitchers ever for allowing stolen bases.)

Shawon Dunston is one of 12 players to have three triples in one game since 1956.

Only five players have 10 rbi in one game. Just one has 12 RBI in one game, Mark Whiten.

Joe Torre is the only player in baseball to have grounded into four double plays in one game.

Is anybody else having bad allergies today? If so, what are you allergic to? I'm trying to figure out what I'm allergic to. Weather.com has some nice allergy maps.


Tree Pollen


Grass Pollen


Ragweed Pollen


Mold Spores

I think I'm allergic to mold spores.

There's gotta be some better ideas for checks out there. You can make your own custom checks by uploading a photo to Uniquechecks.com (one box is $19.95). (check out the image below for some brainstorm thoughts on cool check ideas. Facebook users, you need to read the spudart post to see the image)

Image courtesy from mouse via creative commons license

Hi there, leht's puht the lehtter h hin hevery wohrd. The lehtter h rohcks. Silehnt in nahture, buht alwahys there.

Image courtesy Chotda via creative commons

Jell-O is such a great dessert, but yet I cannot think of any restaurants that have Jell-O on their menu. Now bars have jello shots, but i'm thinking of the wonderful jello masterpieces that we'd have at family get-togethers. The multi-layered colorful jello. The mandarian orange suspended jello. The green lime jello with miracle whip.

Certainly there must be some restaurants that serve these delightful desserts.

Every week Lauri Apple features an artist on Gapers Block. She interviewed me and I'm the feature for this week. Check it out at: http://gapersblock.com/ac/2008/07/07/an-interview-with-matt-maldre.

New feature on spudart.org
Today starts a new feature on spudart.org called "New Art Monday." Once a week I will feature what I've been working on. Every monday you'll see a new piece of art or how a particular series is progressing.

Parking Meter Talk
Parking meters around the city are all talking. Why are they all talking about the future? Find out at: http://www.spudart.org/blogs/art_comments/4676_0_6_0_C/

Despite never using the left thumb to type, my left hand has to do the heavy lifting when it comes to the number of letters it's responsible for.

Left hand is responsible for 15 letters:
qwertasdfgzxcvb

Right hand takes care of 11 letters:
yuiophjklnm

Maybe that's why I use my right thumb for the space bar, my left hand is too busy typing the majority of the letters.

I've started a new art series where I write a prayer on a sticky note and place it on a public pay phone. Read more about it in the art section of spudart.org at: http://www.spudart.org/blogs/art_comments/4665_0_6_0_C/