(photo courtesy Chicago Tribune)

Great. This is just great. Now we have remote-controlled live pigeons with implanted micro electrodes in their brains--by the Chinese! These pigeons are able to be controlled by the whims of crazy Chinese scientists. No word on if these are evil-crazy Chinese scientists, or good-crazy Chinese scientists.

How about they make pigeons fly to another planet? I heard Mars could use a healthy dosage of pigeon crap. Then again, it was probably the Chinese who made the pigeons crap on me every year. (yes, the pigeons at my Western brown line stop have a tradition every year of pooping on me).

Although it would be great if the Chinese used these pigeons to do some sort of cheesey chorographed dance.

What else will the Chinese make these pigeons do?

(by the way a high-resolution print is for sale of the image above)

After many, many, many, many, many posts on anti-pigeons, maybe they aren't all that bad. They are tough survivers and add a non-human element to urban areas. They do have nice different colors. And they do walk in a funky way with their heads bobbin. So here's a poem:

Oh pigeons with your funny stride
A positive view you were denied.
Stirring and skipping along curbside,
Do you truly have a good heart inside?

Children cheerfully feed you.
Quietly echoing sounds coo coo
Overhead you joyfully flew
But please don't release stinky poo poo

Today at lunch, there was an elderly fellow dressed in a clean sport jacket and khaki pants who was rummaging through the McDonalds trash cans outside. My first thoughts were that he was homeless searching for food. But then I thought maybe he had accidentally tossed something away. It's something how we immediately assume somebody is homeless, because they are going through a trash can.

It ends up this man was collecting french fries and tossing them to the pigeons. The manner of his actions was like he was on a search and destroy mission. He was very direct and immediate with his searching. Almost like he does this every day. Or perhaps he realizes that the McDonalds people will yell at him.

Then more questions popped up. What would make a man go through McDonalds garbage just to feed the pigeons? Is he doing it for his love of pigeons? But he wasn't really watching the pigeons eat. Maybe he doesn't like to see food go wasted. Does he have a background in working in a restaurant where he wouldn't be afraid of handling other people's discarded food? I wanted answers.

Once he finished his reclamation mission and sat down to rest. I approached one of the garbage cans to toss out my McDonalds trash, and to break the ice I said, "No french fries in this one" tossed away my bag and laughed. He sat motionless on the bench with his mouth open with no teeth. I needed to break the ice some more, so I said, "Yeah, no sense in letting all that food go to waste." (no response from him) "Might as well feed it to the pigeons." He sat there motionless without looking at me. I began to wonder if he was deaf. Only after a few seconds of silence, he muttered softly, "It ain't no big deal."

Too bad I didn't have my camera.

Today, I was innocently standing at the train station when a stealth pigeon pooped all over my shoulder and arm. Last tuesday, I got bird poop on my back at McDonalds. It seems that Tuesdays are now my bird poop days, so I wrote a poem...

Oh, the wretched day of tue
Tis my day of the bird poo poo
Indeed what shall i ever do?

I hate pigeons and more and yet more

Goose poop is bigger.
Pigeon poop is nastier.
Geese are mean jerks.
Pigeons are brainless idiots.
Geese flock in burbs.
Pigeons flock in cities.
Geese are least kinda pretty.
Pigeons are rats with wings.
It's fun to watch geese, because they make silly sounds.
It's fun to watch pigeons, because they are stupid.

I really don't like pigeons. They are like rats with wings. Please DO NOT ever feed pigeons. They are disgusting animals that poop everywhere. I wish the city would get rid of all pigeons. Today at lunch they were flying swarms at me. It was actually quite humourous as it seemed like something out of Hitcock's "The Birds".