There's a new dance song by DJ Otzi called " href="http://www.fortunecity.com/tinpan/morrison/794/djotzi.html">Burger
Dance"

Here's the German:

Oooooooooohhh....
The Pizza Hut, the Pizza Hut, Kentucky fried chicken in the Pizza Hut, the
Pizza Hut, the Pizza Hut, Kentucky fried chicken in the Pizza Hut,
McDonald's, McDonald's, Kentucky fried chicken in the Pizza Hut, McDonald's,
McDonald's, Kentucky fried chicken in the Pizza Hut
Wow!

Okay, wie nehmen die H”nde ¸ber den Kopf und machen ein Dach daraus.
Und schreien: Pizza Hut! PIZZA HUT!! Jawoll!
Und jetzt wackeln wir mit den Armen rechts und links so wie mit den Chicken
Wings!
Und schreien: Kentucky fried chicken! KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN!!
Und jetzt malen wir ein groþes M in die Luft... Mmmmm, McDonald's! MCDONALD'S!!

Here's it in English:

Okay, how the hands take over the head and make a roof from that.
And scream: pizza hat! PIZZA HAT! Jawoll!
And now we wobble with the arms to the right and to the left so like with the Chicken Wings!
And scream: Kentucky fried chicken! KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN!
And now we paint a large M into the air..
Mmmmm, McDonald's it! MCDONALD'S IT!

How hilarious. It's all
interactive.

I want to know when Monster Trucks are gonna come to Chicago. The United States Hot Rod Assocication calendar doesn't have Chicago listed for the coming year!

You gotta love this on their site:

"Giving a new meaning to the term 'Home Wrecker'"

The olympic countdown is on! A shirt that says "292 more days" would be cool. Whenever you wear it, you could look up what would happen 292 days from now.

While riding in my work's elevator at the Tribune Tower, I couldn't think of any other elevators that had the same button design.

Have you ever seen the same elevator button design in two different buildings?

1. Open up the lid,
2. Gently blow into the ant farm.
3. Watch ants go WILD.

Often the ants in a little ant farm will get all lathargic and lazy. Doing
this trick will breathe life back into them. Really! They go totally CRAZY.

These two look so much like twins that they would make for a fun sitcom where they switch places. TWIN SWAP! Coach becomes the pope, and the pope runs a bar. What shenanigans would happen?

(idea from erik, the unlikelymoose)

A 800 meter building called "Burj Dubai" is being built in the United Arab Emirates. That's just HUGE. To compare, the Sears Tower is 443 meters. It's to be completed in November 2008.

This photo was taken by me in March 2005 from Chicago's 346m high Aon Center. I photoshopped in the Burj Dubai for comparison.

The Chicago Transit authority is going to do some major service cuts if they don't get $55-million from the Illinois government. (background stories if you haven't heard about it: Chicagoist, Chicagobusiness.com, CTA.)

I'm going to mail a series of postcards to my congresspeople in Illinois:
==========================
FRONT OF CARD:
**photo of rush-hour traffic**
We don't need MORE rush-hour traffic
Approve the $55-million for the CTA

BACK OF CARD:
If you don't approve the $55-million for the CTA, there will be even more cars on the expressways during rush hour. We don't need that. We need more people to ride the CTA.

===============================
FRONT OF CARD:
**photo of super-crowded train**
Give us some air
Approve the $55-million for the CTA

BACK OF CARD:
If the CTA cuts service, there will be less trains during rush hour. Can you imagine squeezing any more people onto the already crowded rush hour trains? Service cuts are impossible for the working class.

==========================
FRONT OF CARD:
**photo of family**
Let me see my family
Approve the $55-million for the CTA

BACK OF CARD:
I cannot afford a car. I ride the CTA to see my parents on the south side. I ride the CTA to see my brother on the west side. I ride the CTA to see my sister on the north side. You HAVE TO approve the $55-million for the CTA so service is not cut on the CTA. I need it.

==========================
FRONT OF CARD:
**photo of workplace**
Let me go to work
Approve the $55-million for the CTA

BACK OF CARD:
I cannot afford a car. I ride the CTA every day to work. You HAVE TO approve the $55-million for the CTA so service is not cut on the CTA. I need it.

==========================
FRONT OF CARD:
**photo of grocery store, or maybe some basic food items, or maybe me carrying 10 bags of groceries down the sidewalk**
Let me buy food
Approve the $55-million for the CTA

BACK OF CARD:
The nearest grocery store is 8 blocks away from me. I need the bus to buy my food. You HAVE TO approve the $55-million for the CTA so service is not cut on the CTA. I need it.
==========================
What do you think of these ideas? Any changes? Additional ideas? I encourage anyone to take these ideas and do their own postcard campaign.

Who's gonna stay: GoLive or Dreamweaver?
Adobe buys Macromedia: what will happen to GoLive and Dreamweaver?

Here's a boring stories on it: Marketwatch, Silicon Republic, Mac Daily News. They all say the same thing. "blah blah blah." We want real answers to real questions. So here you go:

GoLive vs. Dreamweaver
So what's gonna stay: Adobe GoLive or Macromedia DreamWeaver? Adobe really loves their GoLive, so I can see them keeping it. To eliminate GoLive certainly would take some guts on Adobe's part to admit that Dreamweaver is more popular. I'm betting that they will keep it GoLive, but will incorporate some DreamWeaver engine stuff and market the combined product as GoLive now with more power than ever.

Actually, both "GoLive" and "Dreamweaver" are odd names. They should get a completely new name. But they might combine them:
ï DreamLive
ï GoWeaver
ï LiveWeaver
ï GoDream

Flash vs. uh nothing
The only thing that will stay from MacroMedia under its original brand will be Flash. But will it become Adobe Flash CS MX 2005?

Illustrator vs. Freehand
Freehand deserves to die. Many years ago.

Imageready vs. Fireworks
Who has even used Fireworks? Keep it to July 4th. Imageready for the rest of the year.

Photoshop vs. uh nothing
Obvious.

The olympic countdown is on!

Here's a stickie note cartoon based on an IM conversation with MrBilly. I will be posting more stickie note cartoons on this blog. They are just quick fun things that might develop into a comic strip. But for now, they are just capturing different dialog ideas in a comic strip format.


Now you can buy a tshirt or mug that features this stickie note cartoon. There are over 25 different tshirt types such as ringer, fitted, baby, sweatshirt, and long-sleeve to choose from. Be the coolest kid on your block today!

Someone has an ad on craigstlist about a potential MOTORIZED COUCH. What could this motorized couch do? Here's an email I wrote to this person:

Motorized couch. Will it transform into a robot and shoot lasers out of its eyes?
Or will it pop out some wheels transport you to places unknown?
Or will it collapse itself into a tiny ball, able to be transported anywhere to bring the joys of couchness to anyplace, anywhere, at anytime?

Here are photos from the (not-so) exclusive opening at the Chicago Supersize McDondalds at Clark, Ohio and Ontario Street today on April 15, 2005.


The Giant McDonalds on Steriods in downtown Chicago


The wait wasn't too terribly long.


The even have $1,995.00 Le Corbu Petit Confort chairs up on the second floor!!! What a contrast. McDonalds and expensive designer chairs.


And a $2,495.00 Nelson Marshmallow Sofa too. I'm pretty sure I saw some Pavilion Chairs as well.


The double drive-through in the back of the restaurant is nicely designed with the double arches.

(For 2006's info, go here.) The goal of Beat the Streak is to put together a hitting streak while making a run at baseball's legendary hitting records. Choose one player every day who you think will get at least one base hit. If your player gets a hit, your streak is extended. If he fails to get a hit, your streak ends and you can start a new one.

Be the first eligible participant to get a hit in 57 straight games and win $100,000 in cash.

Here's what I bring to every ballgame:

• Sunglasses
• Camera (with extra film/memory card)
• Pencils: for scorecard
• Sharpie pen: just in case for autographs
• Blank posterboard sign: just in case you get inspiration to write a message on it
• Thick marker: to write on posterboard sign
• Newspaper from that day: Just the sports section, so you can look up the box score from the previous day to see what opponents did bad the day before, so you can heckle them. "Hey nice gooseegg yesterday!")
• Plastic bags: two or three will do. It's handy to toss your stuff into it, so it doesn't get all sticky and mucky from ballpark trash
• Radio: good just in case a confusing play happens, you can have Ron and _____ explain it to you on WGN.
• Cellphone: to call your buddies and ask, "guess where i am!?"
• Blank 2-inch round stickers: I like to write a "K" on each sticker, and then have the person next to me put one on my hat each time the starting Cubs pitcher strikes out a batter.
• Stadium chair seat pad with pockets: To store all your stuff. (tip: When flattened, this might be too big to bring into Wrigley Field, so roll it up, and tie it with string. The string can then be used as mentioned in the optional section below.

Optional:

• Mini-TV: If the TV broadcast is on WGN or FOX, would be fun for replays.
• String: if you in the bleachers, string comes in handy to attach a ball to the string and drop it down for an autograph
• An extra baseball: if sitting in the bleachers in Wrigley Field, it's tradition to throw the opposing team's homerun ball back. If you happen to catch such a ball, keep the real ball and throw your fake ball back.
• Sunblock: If it's gonna be sunny.

Research:

• Heckles from RightFieldSucks.com
• Rosters: Sometimes the scorecards won't have the new minor league callups, get the most up-to-date roster print out: http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/teams/chc/roster. Do it for both Cubs and their opponents.

Clothing

• Cubs hat
• Cubs tshirt
• Cubs socks

Here's the list of my favorite cartoons as a kid. Not my favorite cartoons now. But this is what I remember being my favorite cartoons back then. (fyi, i was born in 1975)
1. G.I.Joe
2. Transformers
3. Gummi Bears
4. Muppet Babies
5. Snorks
6. Inspector Gadget
7. M.A.S.K.
8. He-Man
9. Ed Grimley
10. Duck Tales

Honorable Mention, in order:
ï Heathcliff
ï Shirt-Tales
ï Smurfs
ï Tom and Jerry
ï Flintstones
ï Fat Albert
ï Richie Rich
ï Popeye
ï Spiderman and His Amazing Friends

Agree, disagree? What were yours?

As Ken Kasper and Bob Brenly are the new Chicago Cubs announcers this year, they still don't always refer to the Cubs as "us" or "we." It's always "The Chicago Cubs lineup..." "The Chicago Cubs batters did great yesterday. C'mon we welcome you into the Cub family. This is your team now.

I'm looking for stats on umpires tossing out players and manangers, but I can't seem to find any. Surely they keep track of this, but where?

For New Toy Friday at work, we got an Uncle Milton Ant Farm! (thanks to our creative director, Jill!)

Updated photos of the ant farm at work will be posted at: http://antfarm.textamerica.com.

an email to Fox Sports

Subject: Tire innovation for NASCAR
=========
Dear people of Fox NASCAR,

Half of the NASCAR broadcast on Fox is about tires. "he's got clean tires." "he needs new tires" "look at his right side tire!" Here's a tire innovation for NASCAR...

The right side tire circumference is 87.375 inches. If the tires are not changed on a car, it would make 362,471 revolutions on a 500-mile track. That's alotta wear. How about they go to a bigger tire. Say... a monster truck tire.

The world's largest monster truck has a tire circumference of 377 inches. That's just 84,033 revolutions. That's over four times savings on revolutions.

Here's some images of what this would look like.

Before:


After:

Can you imagine the pit crew trying to change four of those suckers?

MONSTER NASCAR! MONSTER NASCAR!

-a devoted NASCAR fan wishing to make the sport more efficient and monsterous,
matt maldre
=========

I was looking for a new team name for my fantasy league team. Maulers was both my croquet alias and my baseball team name. And that's just brand confusion.

I like how "Maulers" started with "Ma" just like my first and last name: Matt Maldre. So here's a list of what might be considered "cool" words that start with "ma."
ï Mad
ï Macaroni
ï Magnet
ï Magnificent
ï Main
ï Major
ï Mammoth
ï Manatee
ï Mangle
ï Maniacs
ï Manure
ï Marabou
ï Marauder
ï Markers
ï Marlins
ï Marmots
ï Marron
ï Mars
ï Marshal
ï Marshmellows
ï Marshswamppers
ï Martial artists
ï Marvel
ï Mashers
ï Massive
ï Masters
ï Matey
ï Math
ï Matrix
ï Maulers
ï Maven
ï Maverick
ï Max
ï Mayhem

The final team name chosen? MASHERS. It's fun. It's tough. It's also got a potato reference, which is cool.

Every year I get MLB's Gameday Audio, but I heard that XM Radio offers all the broadcasts as well. Which is the better plan? Here's a comparison:

	mlb.com	XM radio
subscription cost	$14.95/season ($2.49/month)	$12.95/month ($77.70/season)
hardware cost	none	$99: non-portable radio $299: portable radio
all live game broadcasts	yes	yes
archive of games	just most recent games	just the classic games
extra shows	none	MLB Live: daily: A nightly look into MLB game action. Fantasy Focus: weekdays: Everything you need to know for your fantasy team to compete. Baseball This Morning: weekdays: Your source for MLB news. MLB On Deck: weekdays: The latest from the ballparks. The Show: weekdays: Hear what the fans are saying! MLB Archives: weekdays: Relive the MLB's greatest moments. Baseball Beat: weekdays: Your source for MLB news. Cal Ripken Show: weekly: From the major leagues to youth baseball, all topics are under discussion.
So it amounts to that you are paying an extra $62.75 for those XM baseball shows (plus all the other XM non-baseball shows). Is the $62.75 worth it? But then you have to buy a radio/receiver too. That's $100-$300. If you get the $100 model, you can't bring it around with you. I like to listen to games at home and at work. So i would have to get the $300 model. ouch.

sources:
ï XM Radio MLB Home Plate
ï MLB Gameday Audio

Are there still any elevator operators in existence? Y'know, that dude that would be in the elevator and upon entering you say, "14th floor please." When did those guys start losing their jobs? It's like the caboose on trains. The caboose disappeared in the mid 1980s once railroads like the Union Pacific adopted use of the "End of Train" or "EOT" devices.

It's kinda silly that when I'm hungry I like to chew on two pieces of gum instead of one.

I'm looking for a postcard of a beach in Chicago. All the Chicago postcards that have a beach in it are primarily skyline or building shots. I would like a postcard where the primary subject matter is the beach in Chicago. Anybody find any?

If you mail me one, I will mail you six Chicago postcards over the next six months. One rule: On the postcard, you have to tell me where you purchased it.

You can mail the chicago beach postcard to:
Matt Maldre
4809 N. Bell Ave, #1E
Chicago, IL 60625

Two-team fantasy league baseball

Being in a baseball fantasy league with just two teams is fun. Everyone on your team is an all-star. No looking up no-name players.

While you're at it, don't include pitchers. It's too much work to look up who's starting that day and then drop/add your pitchers to match up with rotations.

And instead of five-category for points, why not use just one straight up points system. Keep it simple. Keep it fun. Some people llike the details of a more complex league. But with this league, you get to watch all the best players in baseball and have a chance to pick them up.

That's what my twin brother and I have been doing since 2000 (and also in 1992-1993). Click the comments link below to read more. And to see my fanypants graph.

Funny scratching your chin is considered pondering, but scratching the top of your head is confusion.