Every late night host has his own type of humor that typifies the majority of their skits.
Jay Leno: People are stupid
• Jaywalking: asking simple questions to dummies on street
• Headlines: stupid mistakes in newspapers
• stupid 911 calls
David Letterman: Everydayness
• Will it Float?
• What's the deli guy doing?
Conan O'Brien: Dopeyness
• In the year 2000
• Triumph the insult comic dog
• that dude who kyaks off a cliff
I'd like to see someone go the exact opposite route of Jay Leno. Have skits with people who are just so amazingly smart, it's funny. Look at this guy! He can recite the 100 digits of pie. Ok, I guess that's not funny. But it sure seems like there can be a twist made to make it funny. Maybe have two people race to recite pie. Competitive dorky sports that make them go to the extreme. haha. I should try this on YouTube.
There should be a website where it will do the following:
• Show all the deals for when you open a new plan with a carrier (e.g. Verizon, Cingular, etc)
• Sort all the cameraphones by how many mega-pixels it has.
I want to get a phone that has two or three mega-pixels, but it needs to come in a package deal when I sign up for a new one-year or two-year contract.
The reason why Apple names all their operating systems after jungle cats (leopard, panther, jaguar, tiger) is cuz jungle cats like to eat apples. It's just a fact that most people don't know.
What to do with a pile of dirt left behind by the city of Chicago? Stick a flag in it.
The city of Chicago installed new curbs a couple months ago at Giddings and Oakley in Lincoln Square, but they left behind a big pile of dirt. Every time I walk by that dirtpile, I think of all the things that it could be.
1) A mountain (hence the American flag on top) 2) A ice cream sundae (put a big cherry on top of it) 3) A big present (put a big bow on top) 4) A monster's head just peeking out of the ground (put a little tuft of hair on top, and big paper cutout eyes at the foot of the pile) 5) Another planet (put some cutout astronauts and an American flag on top of the hill) 6) A big anthill (put some plastic ants on the top of the hill)
Just 10 minutes ago, Brett Favre was in Chicago's Nordstrom Mall on Michigan Avenue being interviewed by Corey McFerren of Fox News. Behind Favre and McFerren was a large banner featuring Brett Favre promoting Sensodyne.
Apparently this is tied into some sort of Sensodyne challenge. From the Westfield Mall website:
Sensodyne Search for America's Most Sensitive
Football star and legendary tough-guy Brett Favre reveals his sensitive side and encourages Chicagoans to do the same as Brett is participating in the Sensodyne Sensitivity Challenge and encouraging local Chicago couples to play the “he said, she said” style game.
The Sensodyne Search for America’s Most Sensitive hits Chicago June 27, 2006 from 10 a.m. – 2 p.m. at Westfield North Bridge. The nationwide campaign is educating Americans about the causes and treatments of sensitive teeth and signing them up to take the 2 Week Taste Test. Fans can tell their own sensitive story to audition to be the next Sensitive Star and appear in an upcoming national Sensodyne advertising campaign.
Support a good cause - Sensodyne is putting its money where your mouth is. For each of the first 50,000 people who sign up for the Sensodyne 2 Week Taste Test, Sensodyne will donate $1 to the Brett Favre Fourward Foundation, a non-profit organization that supports programs for disadvantaged and disabled kids in Wisconsin and Mississippi.
Sensitivity Challenge? He said she said? Maybe Ozzie Guillen needs to participate in this as part of his sensitivity training Major League Baseball is forcing him to take.
The Sensodyne website says: "Sensodyne Search for America’s Most Sensitive crosses the country to find who is most in touch with their sensitive side." America's Most Sensitive? So does that mean Brett Favre is one of the most sensitive sports stars? It's weird that he's doing this in CHICAGO--his biggest rival city. Perhaps Green Bay isn't quite the media center.
As I framing the picture above, a security guard came by and told me I was too close. So I took one step back and just extended my arm forward to snap this shot. There were only about 10 bystanders there--three of which were giddy high school girls in Packers jerseys. How did they know Favre was gonna be there at 9:10 in the morning? Surely they stalked him from his house and followed him down to Chicago.
(A continuing analysis of advertisements that appear in "The Trucker" newspaper.)
Don't pull any punches with me, BOY. I don't want no lies. I don't want no gimmicks. I don't want me none exaggerations.
As if that wasn't enough for the headline, let's toss a "We don't blow smoke" headline surrounded by three--wait, no--make it FOUR bursts. All this ad needs now is a slab of deep fried ribs.
Try to listen to "Too Legit to Quit" by MC Hammer without doing the hand motions. Just try. You won't be able to help yourself. Here's the song on iTunes and the album on amazon. (This contest is only open to those born before 1982)
The music video for 2 Legit to Quit is classic. You got hamma pants, lines shaved into haircuts, blinding dance moves, fireballs, and mighty shoulderpads.
At around 3:35 in the video, it gets REALLY interesting. MC appears in a yellow jumpsuit convulsing on the stage--then cuts to a magical glowing orb rising out of MC's hand--then fades to a series of clips featuring the HOTTEST SPORTS STARS OF THE DAY:
3:50 Jose Canseco sporting the pinnacle in cool--Oakley sunglasses
3:52 Isaiah Thomas (poor guy got roped into this trainwreck)
3:56 Kirby Puckett (of World Champion Minnesta Twins--the homer hanky team) doing the hand motions! See! Kirby couldn't help himself!
4:02 All-time stolen base leader Rickey Henderson giving credibility to the sport of baseball with the flattest eraser top haircut ever. He also appears to be holding a sandwich of some sort. Like he couldn't put the sandwich down for the video. "Naw man! this sammich is tasty for this tasty song! And it's a HAM sammich for MC HAMMA" That's right pure ham. The part that edited out was Rickey saying, "I'm the greatest base steala eva--" Right Ricky, NEXT.
4:04 Deion Sanders (no surprise) and some other schmuck.
4:09 That white basketball dude that had to spin a basketball on his finger, cuz nobody would knows who he was.
4:18 Then the video really takes off to the hightest levels when MC is floats down to the stage and it cuts to DAVID HASSELHOFF... oh wait maybe it's a young Roger Clemens. If the mighty Roger Clemens--greatest baseball pitcher EVER--cannot help himself from 2 Legit 2 Quit, then you surely stand no chance.
5:05 San Antonio Spurs rookie phenom David Robinson--the moron does the legit hand motion backwards. Uh, David, that's the Loser hand gesture backwards to yourself
But the closer is the sealer. The video pulls out to show that it was all a corporate exec watchin it in a video room. He's geeking out over MC:
"He's AMAAAZING! I've seen anything like that in my LIFE. That GUY can DANCE. I mean--dont' get me wrong--he's no Frank Gus." (whoever the frick that is).
Then he gets quiet and serious, "What do you reckon Mike?"
A white glove raises up and slowly does the too legit to quit hand gesture.
EVEN MICHAEL JACKSON CAN'T HELP IT! (But he does gets the order all screwed up. Michael does it Too *pauses* Legit *pauses* Too *pauses* Legit *pauses* Too *pauses... thinks oh crap what's the next hand gesture?* Quit) Was that really Michael Jackson after all?
You can watch the entire music video here:
Note: If you can watch this entire video without doing the hand gesture, you are truly amazing. But I bet it can never EVER be done. Go ahead and try. I will gleefully watch as you end up doing the peace sign, the L sign, and the hand swipe.
(A continuing analysis of advertisements that appear in "The Trucker" newspaper.)
I love how this trucker ad depicts this child speaking in such advanced english. Then again, little Ella gets her person voice mixed up as she starts to talk about how she provides truckers "TOP, TOP PAY." Little Ella is running quite a trucker business there for her grandpa.
On a quiet, loaded rush hour El (Chicago transit train), there were two older people that were networking, talking business, and exchanged business cards.
The usual daily rush hour train in Chicago is a silent box filled with sleepy workers being shuttled to and fro. But what if the el was a place to network regularly?
There are eight cars on a red line train. Each car could be designated to a general industry. And the CTA could then stand for Connecting Through Association.
TARGET: ASH TREES
• Areas under threat (ucdavis.edu)
• Shape of ash leaf (eriding.net)
• Branches of ash trees are positioned oppositely of each other. (purdue.edu)
SYMPTOMS
• Areas Appearance of 'water sprouts' (epicormic shoots) on the tree's trunk. (wisc.edu)
• Tiny (1/8 inch) 'D'-shaped exit holes in the bark on the trunk and limbs. (wisc.edu)
• S-shaped channels under ash tree bark caused by larval feeding (fed.us)
• Increased activity by woodpeckers on ash trees. (purdue.edu)
• Woodpecker markings (fl-dof.com)
• Vertical splits in the tree's bark. (purdue.edu)
(A continuing analysis of advertisements that appear in "The Trucker" newspaper.)
Daddy, please come home.
Daddy, please come home.
Daddy, please come home.
Talk about playing the softie angle in truckers. It's a very hard life for truckers to be on the road away from their families for so long. Here we have an ad that totally plays on the family angle--to the extreme. Even the headline touches home with how truckers feel left out from their kids.
Now I say, "AAAAAAAAAGGG! STOP THE GUILT." *runs away*
This morning on a Chicago transit bus were two little girls--maybe 2nd grade. One of them had a notebook that had a graduation tassle attached. Both of these girls were too young to have graduated from anything to have a tassle. It would be really cool if an older brother or sister gave her his/her tassle.
Six reasons why it's cool to give your sibling your graduation tassle:
1) The tassle looks really fun dangling from a book.
2) It makes the younger sibling look forward to graduation
3) The tassle doesn't do much just sitting in a box
4) The tassle has even more life and memory being active every day
5) It shows love from the older sibling to give away something he/she is so proud about.
6) It shows love on the part of the younger sibling to receive it. To not be so self-arrogant. Accepting the tassle shows that the younger sibling is proud of their older sister/brother.
If in downtown Chicago, please be careful about the metal moose that is on the loose. It was last seen across from the Tribune Tower in Pioneer Court on top of one of the public art podiums.
It's said to look like bunch of metal car bumpers welded into the shape of a moose! Oh, wait... (what?... oh... ok...) I just heard that it's a piece of public art. ooooooops.
The artist John Kearney has been plunkin down sculptures for over 40 years. My favorite has to be the gorilla.
But I really like how the addition of this moose currently makes a public art trifecta with:
1) Moose
2) Giant onion rings and
3) Monster newspaper box
The Congress did not congratulate major league ballplayer Albert Pujols on his latest injury that will keep him out for three weeks. Instead the House of Representatives finally decided to congratulate Pujols on winning the MVP from 2005. (the official bill)
Here's the complete conversation with our congressmen kissing up to Pujols on the house floor yesterday.
There's a great site called 43things.com that lets you list your personal goals. And then you can see how many people share those same goals. Here's my profile and list:
If you join the site, let me know and I'll add you as a friend. :-)
(A continuing analysis of advertisements that appear in "The Trucker" newspaper.)
Do some truckers actually have a dog on board their rig? This pup sure looks sad. Maybe his driver wouldn't make a potty stop and he pooped in back.
Actually it's probably the advertiser playing at the emotional strings of the trucker. "Awww sad doggie." But does that really convince drivers to join their company? Oh wait, I'm sure the bullets as cute dog bones will get truckers to sign up by the dozens. No no. It's gotta be the burst in the lower left saying "No Canada." While we're at it, can we take Florida off the list?
But PLEASE join Davis Transport Inc, so we can make this a happy dog.
A simple surprise for your office is the classic plastic mouse. Hide it under someone's monitor or under a stack of sheets and let the fun begin!
Tip:
If you get a small plastic mouse (like mine) then you won't totally freak someone out. In fact, the receiver might even think that it's a cat toy. Personally, I'd opt for a larger, more real mouse to create that authentic surprised screech.
I know of about five people who went to a Montessori school--and all of them are very creative. Is it true that most people who attended a Montessori school end up being creative?
X-Men 3 was the first superhero movie that ever made me imagine that I could have superhero powers. When Magneto was throwing cars, it made me wonder what it would be like to do that.
It's rather surprising that other movies like Spider-Man or Superman didn't make me imagine what it would be like to have their superpowers. Perhaps X-Men did that, because the premise was so real--that there could be mutants among us. While movies like Superman just seem so stupid. Yeah, like he came from another planet and just happened to look just like us except he's got like a million super powers. (btw, the trailer for Superman made the movie look really bad. The trailer focused so much on Lex Luthor that the movie should be called "Lex: the wimpiest villain ever.")
But props to X-Men 3 for providing a very realistic portrayal of how humans with superpowers might exist in society.
Spudart.org has lots of fun stuff by Matt Maldre, a 35-year-old Chicago Christian, artist, designer, illustrator, photographer, webmaster, entrepreneur, curator, goofball, and croquet player. Read more about Matt on the about page.
