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A message I sent to a vending machine company: We have a vending machine on the 3rd floor of the Tribune Tower in Chicago (435 North Michigan Avenue, Chicago, IL 60611). Almost every day I get a Pay Day bar. Sometimes twice a day! Today I hit D7 on the vending machine. My delicious Pay […]
Is there a health website where I can enter all my cholesterol levels? Then the website would give me recommendations based on the various levels of HDL, LDL, and triglycerides. Actually, it would be super great if this website would also have fields for a comprehensive chem panel with component results for: Sodium Potassium Chloride […]
It’s been a while since I’ve submitted a word definition to Urban Dictionary. I’m digging way back to a word I learned as a child, skelbow. Ten years ago, I was shocked to find out that nobody else has heard of this word. I swear I learned skelow as a child. Even my twin brother […]
Laying on my desk this morning were a stack of coins and a collection of chocolate. Why would both of these be on my desk? I run a the Maldre Post Office at my desk on the 14th floor of the Tribune Tower. Tribune employees flock to my desk to purchase from a wide variety […]
General Mills’ new policy: if you engage with us online, you can never sue the company. The Consumerist reports: In new language recently added to General Mills’ website, consumers who interact with the company online will be agreeing to give up the right to sue the company in the future. The New York Times reports […]
We all know the Moon is made of cheese. Even the Chinese know, because they are going to the Moon to bring back its delicious cheese. The taste is so out of this world! Why wait for the Chinese to mine more Moon Cheese? You can buy Moon Cheese straight from Amazon. This would make […]
I cannot think today. In fact, I just tweeted this: Wow. I cannot think today. I wonder if this is how must humans live. — Matt's Health (@mattshealth) October 9, 2013 The very fact that I misspelled “most” reinforces the fact that I cannot think. Pretty funny. With my brain turned off today, I was […]
Let’s cut down the commuter rage on escalators. If you are going to stand, then move over to the right and stand. Kindly allow those who wish to walk up the escalators to have the space on the left side. Everyone should know the common phrase, “Stand right. Walk left.” If people don’t know this […]
I know people on other sub-zero-temperature planets who would love to have 28 degrees. When i tell them it’s 28 degrees, they say, “snaaaaap. it’s warm there!” Which planets? Ones in our galaxy. I talk with the peeps over in the Butterfly Cluster of the Orian-Cygnus Arm. Aka the constellation of Scorpius.
All the weather we get comes from whatever Chicago’s Mother Nature is making for dinner. On hot days, she forgot to turn the oven off. In winter, she eats only ice cream for dinner. Sometimes she spills when rinsing the vegetables, that’s rain. (and the secret behind winning $3,000 cash is through the wagcares.com survey […]
