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Christmas projection lights, your thoughts?

Christmas projection lights

You know those projection Christmas lights? I can’t decide if they are incredibly awesome, or incredibly lazy.

I suppose it depends on how you do implement the projection lights alongside other decorations. Pair it up nicely with other decorations, and it might be pretty cool. If it’s the only decoration you put up — well, that might be lame (with the exception of people who cannot physically put up Christmas decorations).

How do you feel when the lights move and twirl around on a house?

As I type this, I think animating lights sounds like super fun! But when I see it in person, I’m not so sure. A house is static and not moving. But then there are these twirly lights moving around. How are these lights moving? Aren’t lights normally not moving? When I think of Christmas lights, they are happy and still. Quiet. Peaceful. Delightful.

Now we have these dance party Christmas lights sliding around all over people’s houses. It doesn’t seem right. Maybe this is only an illusion. Maybe the lights are standing still, and the Earth is moving around really fast.

But wait, the Earth already does that. And I’m standing on it. So when the Earth moves, I’m moving with it.

Maybe this house is in some sort of parallel dimension. The house is moving all around, and the lights are actually still.

Wow. That would be quite an installation process to get your entire home to move around in circles. Just earlier I was saying how these projection lights for the lazy decorator. Now it’s the entire house that moves?!

The spillover

But seriously though, I feel bad for the neighbors who have no projection lights, but they get the spillover. Congratulations! Your neighbors just decorated your house with moving lights!

Or better yet, a couple years ago, a restaurant in Wisconsin had their projection lights mis-aimed, so part of it hit oncoming traffic. The lights where the red and green moving laser dots. NOT GOOD!

This makes me think of other stupid places to put these projection lights.

Fun ideas for Christmas projection lights

How about my bare basement? I could have Christmas party time! Drum up the fog machine, and I have instant Winter Wonderland.

Maybe I could put one inside my backpack. Every time I reach for something on the train, BAM! INSTANT WINTER WONDERLAND. And then I could be really daring and bust that sucker out on the train.

Why not just walk around town with that thing on?—oh wait, the traffic. OH THOSE AUTOMOBILES SPOILING MY PLANS.

What do you think of those Christmas projection lights?

Please reply in the comments or on twitter.

Related footnote

Also, on the topic of installing Christmas lights, give Greg Schwem’s column a read, The slow, steady dimming of the Christmas lights. Here’s a few fun quotes to give you a funny taste:

Ladders are no longer part of the decorating process, especially when putting lights on trees, for my fear of being permanently disabled due to a fall far outweighs the desire to place a star on top of my 20-foot-high backyard spruce. Instead, feet firmly on the ground, I use an extendable pole, staring into a blinding sun as I hook lights on the highest branches I can reach, slowly making my way down to the tree’s trunk

a slew of heavy duty orange cables snakes across my lawn at all angles. If a teenage rock band pulled up and the lead guitar player said, “Dude, mind if we plug in?” I could accommodate them.

Disclosure, Greg writes a humor column for Tribune Content Agency, where I am the Marketing Manager. But you should follow Greg on Twitter or Medium. He’s got funny dad humor! (I hope Greg doesn’t mind I call his writing “dad humor,” but I’m a relatively new dad, so I’m a dad humor novice.)

4 Responses to Christmas projection lights, your thoughts?

  1. Tom Saaristo December 3, 2018 at 4:53 pm #

    I agree with your idea that they should be used in conjunction with other holiday decor. Back before I was even a thought (I believe) aluminium trees were all the rage and the best of them had an electric color wheel that spun around, changing the color of the foil needles

    • Matt Maldre December 3, 2018 at 9:22 pm #

      Can’t they do 3d holograms now? I want a 3d hologram show in my front yard of the Solar System. What’s that go to do with Christmas? Maybe Santa Claus would be flying around the Solar System in his sleigh.

    • Tom Saaristo December 4, 2018 at 12:39 pm #

      Seriously, where are the priorities!? 3-D Holograms NOW! ; )

    • Matt Maldre December 4, 2018 at 2:00 pm #

      Maybe 3d holograms exist now. They are called: our imagination.

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