Summer Slam games summary

The day was crisp, the grass freshly trimmed. Everything was ready and tidy to hold the festivities for Summer Slam 2001 on August 19, 2001.

A new techological wonder was bestowed upon us as the 505 Hammer was modified to include a laser on its head. A true state-of-the-art mallet the world has never seen the likes of before!

The question on everyone's mind was, "Will this give him great advantage over us? Will he dominate the day and leave us rolling in the dust?" Or was this just another gee-whiz gadget that Erik swears to use over and over, all the while he gets farther and farther behind his competitors. (see game #1, 7/21/2001 with his wedge head and the sewer cap incident...truly embarassing.)

The first game of the day had to be the most memorable for several reasons. The Mauler blasted off to an incredible start. Right from the starting stake he made a run that had all the players in shock and pooping their trowsers in fear. The Mauler was utilizing techniques never seen before in Squirearchy play. He was roll shotting, using cut splits, stop shots all over the place to perfection. The other players were heard commenting, "awww, golly Mauler, wenz it gonna be ours turn, huh?" The Mauler ignored their minor rantings and continued to dominate half of the field. He was on a run that would look like it shall not be matched in many years to come. But when it came to the half stake, he missed it; thereby missing an official half-court run.

The Mauler was heard to say a few moments afterward, "That's alright, I have the utmost confidence, that I shall strike the fear in everyone's hearts yet again in the near future."

The father snuk in near the end for first place. Erik had the chance to finish second and put the Mauler back in the standings, despit the incredible first half run. But has Erik prepared for one of his final shots to wrap up the game, the Father called out to him, "Just make sure you hit your own ball." But apparently the SOS hammer had it's mind somewhere else as he hit the Maulers ball with his mallet! A true mental error that shall never be forgotten...well, in the waterboy's case, I'm sure he will forget, because he forgot to hit his own ball in the first place.

The Mauler commented later, "I couldn't believe what he was doing. He was standing right over my ball with that blasted laser. Even Father warned him. He must have had his noggin in la-te-toodle-doodle land. Perhaps, he should retreat to playing Candy Land. I mean really! What in the Queen's name was his thinking?"

The featured bloodmatch of the day was Peter "Punisher" Kreten vs. Matt "the Mauler" Maldre.

The Mauler challenged the Punisher to a bloodmatch and after the first game he proved dominately over the Punisher as the Punisher was soundly defeated. The Mauler granted the Punisher's wish of a rematch. It was a close battle by the halfway mark. But with a mental error, the Mauler chose not to roquet the Punisher's ball before entering the double halfway wickets, instead aiming directly for the wicket. And of course his ball stuck the wicket and the Punisher easily glided by him through the half stake and onto the 2nd half of the field. The Punisher would hold onto the lead for the remainder of the game.

So we leave the bloodmatch with tie. A tie that must be broken. A tie that must be broken at Fallout 1. Yes indeed, this tie shall be broken, and some one's mallet will be most indoubtedly broken over their head in defeat.

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