Here’s an email I sent today to Griffin Armored Vehicles:
Hello, I am interested in the Armored “B” Body Money Transport Vehicle. How much do one of these cost?
It has all the features I desire:
1) They are the epitomy of safety
2) Representative of extreme wealth and money
3) It’s got that cool boxy shape like the Toyota Scion
Plus it would be the coolest SUV on my block. Nobody I know has one yet. Actually, it would create a whole line of SUV called the SAV, the Sports Armored Vehicle. SAV has all the marketing implications of the word “save”… Save your life, Save your money up for this beast, Save the planet.
Sincerely,
An interested SAV customer.
You could get stickers made that say “It’s a SAV thing, you wouldn’t understand. “
you shoulda asked him how much mileage you get out of those monsters.
the mileage question will be part of the followup email. What else should be in the followup email? Any other other good car questions that would be funny to include?
I guess the only disadvantage is that when you eventually get into an accident [because all armoured cars at some pont or another DO”> all of your money goes flying out the back and passerbys rush to grab up as much of your ca$h as they can. Other than losing your fortune, I guess an SAV would be the way to go! Sign me up! Sign me down!
OH! Good car questions? Does it come with CD/Stereo, A/C, Anti-lock brakes, Childproof locks, Airbags, Anti-Theft System [Most-Important since you’ll be carrying your ca$h around”> and Really Big Cup Holders. :^”>
and bikini models
i only like really big cup holders if they can also hold really small cups. make sure the cup holders can do both. ask about what options there are. i.e. spoilers, hubcaps, xenon headlights, fog lamps, sensing wipers, auto dim mirror, leather upholstery, sport seats, heated front seats, automatic AC, sunroof, park distance control, computer navigation, on-board computer, leather sport steering wheel with Cruise and Multifunction, Harmon Kardon 8 speaker Hi Fi, Sport Exhaust, Chrome Sport Exhaust tip, chrome exterior windows, union jack roof graphic, black bonnet stripes, outdoor cover, indoor cover, “It’s an SAV thing” license plate cover, “It’s an SAV thing” floor mats, chrome valve caps, roof rack base, bike holder, luggage rack, ski holder, snowboard holder, etc. Sunroof on an armored truck! that’s funny
You know what they say, if you have to ask how much it cost, then you can’t afford one…
Here’s the 2nd email to the armored truck company: I am greatly interested in your Armored “B” Body Money Transport Vehicle as my next personal automobile. From your website, I see it comes with many options. I have some questions I would like answered. 1) What is the mileage on the Armored “B” Body Money Transport Vehicle? 2) Would it be possible to outfit your Armored “B” Body Money Transport Vehicle with sunroof and a snowboard holder? It’s such a flat roof, I imagine this would be possible. 3) And it would need the Really Big Cup Holders. But it would also have to hold really small cups. Make sure the cup holders can do both. 4) If I get into an accident, will the back doors open and let my money fly out everywhere, like in the movies? Actually, i would like that feature to happen occasionally, because I’m so dirty rich that I can afford such melodramatic occurances. 5) I need some huge vanity mirrors to look at my gorgeous self. 6) And oh, it HAS got to come with some bikini models. Your response on any of these questions would be greatly appreciated. Sincerely, Matt, an interested SAV (Sports Armored Vehicle) customer.
OMG! That is too friggin’ funny! I’m LMAO over here in time-out. VERY funny!