No more Bloodmatch belt for me

I lost my croquet Bloodmatch championship belt to the Punisher at Punishment today.


Five hungry contenders fought for the universal belt in the first match of the day for Punishment 2002. After the first match Erik “The Hammer” Maldre walked away with belt leaving Peter “The Punisher” Kreten desperate to attain it back. “That belt is my life and sweat” the Punisher was heard wailing… Mike Pudlow won his first Squirearchy game with his doubles partner, the Punisher… In the first Mini-croquet game ever, the Punisher won back his beloved Universal Belt… He then added to his trophy case in the falling snow by acquiring the Bloodmatch belt handing the Mauler his first ever loss in “double-ball.” Has the Mauler fallen from his status in double-ball king?… The day clearly belonged to the Punisher as he won three of the four matches, giving him his first tournament win. Pictures of this event can be viewed at:


The Punisher united the Bloodmatch and Universal belts in the event named after him, Punishment.

A historical match that will live for the ages. It started off with, the owner of the Bloodmatch belt, the Matt ” the Mauler” Maldre, having jurisdiction over the type of match. The Mauler was strict upon adhering to playing a standard croquet game (in the Squirearchy known as “double-ball”). Everyone trembles when the phrase “double-ball” is uttered. The Mauler said, “I keep to the traditions and history of the game of croquet. However, the others in our club poop their trousers when faced with such immense history and tradition. But in all actuality it is perhaps because nobody has ever defeated me in double-ball in Squirearchy history!” The hammer stubbornly refused to play “double-ball” that day. However, the Punisher stepped up to the challenge. What a brave young lad! Surely he feels comfortable at his home field of Kreten Kourt.

The match was head to head throughout the entire game. When at the third to last wicket it appeared as though the Mauler had the win in his pocket, but the Punisher pulled an incredible shot. Not only did he send his ball through the third to last wicket, his ball traveled over the concrete section curving perfectly to land on the green for the next wicket… all on one stroke… unheard of on Kreten Kourt given its dimensions. The Mauler was pleased to lose his first double-ball match on such an incredible shot. He was quoted a month afterwards, “I still remember that shot to this day. Given the historical implications of that shot, I am most certain that it will live up to be the shot of 2002.”

Then it was decided that all six players should play a doubles match. But who would team up with how? Surely the Mauler and the Hammer cannot be on the same team for their treacherous power would annihilate the rest. So all the coloured balls were tossed into a sack. Players drew the balls from the sack from behind their back to determine partners. The Punisher and Pudlow won the match for Pudlow first ever victory.

The event of Punishment also beared witness to the first official Mini-Croquet match where upon a tiny table-top croquet set was laid out onto a standard backyard field. This was perhaps the very first match were absolutely no roquets were made. Few attempted and all failed. At first everyone found the mini-croquet format challenging, but the Punisher and the Mauler quickly caught on. While the Hammer and Ed were left behind in their struggling attempts. The Punisher cruised onto the win with the glory of owning the first ever victory in Mini-Croquet and reattaining the Universal Belt.



  1. Erik “Hammer” Maldre
  2. Matt “Mauler” Maldre
  3. Peter “Punisher” Kreten
  4. Ed
  5. Kelly “First Lady” Kreten
  6. Pudlow


  1. Peter “Punisher” Kreten & Pudlow
  2. Kelly “First Lady” Kreten & Erik “Hammer” Maldre
  3. Matt “Mauler” Maldre & Ed

Singles Mini-Croquet

  1. Peter “Punisher” Kreten
  2. Matt “Mauler” Maldre
  3. Ed
  4. Erik “Hammer” Maldre


  1. Peter “Punisher” Kreten
  2. Matt “Mauler” Maldre


  1. Erik “Hammer” Maldre
  2. Matt “Mauler” Maldre
  3. Ed

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