email to quark: you need more events

Here’s an email I sent to Quark:

Subject: Quark’s events

hey yo

I’ma lookin at yo events page at:

How come you don’t have no events for Quark in Chicago? Shy Town wants Quark conferences. Adobe InDesign is totally crushing you. Hello? Do you realize that? Yes, maybe you might need a little lo-down on the get-down of this InDesign-down.

There is another layout program out there that designers are going to. It’s put out by this really cool company called Adobe. Maybe you’ve heard of them. They make that popular photoshop program. No no, not PaintShop Pro, but Photoshop.

Well, anyways this Adobe company in like April of 2000 released a program called Adobe InDesign. It’s just like Quark, only better. Much like how cupcakes are ok without frosting, but add that frosting on there it’s like soo-ooo go-ood! Who wants a cupcake without frosting? Only weird people who don’t like cupcakes without frosting! Actually it’s quite nice when there are sprinkles on there too. Oh wait… What are you saying to me? “InDesign… Quark… events.” Ohhh, right. The point of this email.

Here’s a tip. Just a friendly tip from someone who’s been groovin on the Quark vibe for the past nine years. You should totally, like, make some events that say how great Quark is. Actually now that i type that it sounds kinda silly. Do people want to attend an event just about QUARK? Maybe the meeting needs a catch… Oh i got it.

Picture this… *holds hands up in the air* The cover of your next direct mail campaign to graphic designers nationwide…

In really big type: CUPCAKES!

in really small type: and quark

subhead in red: Get your free cupcakes!

subhead in gray: and quark

Dude, i would so totally go to that event. And it would convince me to stay with Quark instead of InDesign.

a quark user,

Matt Maldre

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Tom Saaristo
19 years ago

Maybe they read your comment at unlikelymoose about Quark being a dork?

19 years ago

ha! cupcakes. i’d go if there were cupcakes.

19 years ago

today i received a packet from Quark, introducing me to version 6.5. the packet material said that Adobe was crying over the new Quark. um, i’m pretty sure Adobe is NOT crying. i am not fooled by this marketing ploy!

19 years ago

unfortunately, no.

19 years ago

what exactly did the packet say? did they use the word, “crying”? I want to receive a packet from Quark. I used to manage 25 licenses of Quark XPress. All I got from Quark was an occassional letterhead saying something stupid from the Quark dopes. Actually, I would love to have a free Quark t-shirt. I would wear it all the time. I wish I could get 7 Quark t-shirts so I could wear one each day of the week. I went to a quark seminar back when Quark 5 was just released. They were giving out free t-shirts, and they refused to give me one. A couple days later I emailed Quark asking them to send me a free t-shirt. I never heard back from them. I bet Adobe would give me a free t-shirt.

18 years ago

^^^^^^ i actually have a quark tshirt… one of the salesmen i work with brought 2 of them back to the office from PRINT ’05… and a quark button! sadly, the tshirts were L and XL, i kept the L for myself (along with the button) and gave away the XL to a co-worker. i might try to head down to the show to see if i cant grab a couple smalls, cuz i wear S myself.

17 years ago

Good site!

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