Here’s an email I sent to Quark:
Subject: Quark’s events
hey yo
I’ma lookin at yo events page at: http://www.quark.com/about/events/
How come you don’t have no events for Quark in Chicago? Shy Town wants Quark conferences. Adobe InDesign is totally crushing you. Hello? Do you realize that? Yes, maybe you might need a little lo-down on the get-down of this InDesign-down.
There is another layout program out there that designers are going to. It’s put out by this really cool company called Adobe. Maybe you’ve heard of them. They make that popular photoshop program. No no, not PaintShop Pro, but Photoshop.
Well, anyways this Adobe company in like April of 2000 released a program called Adobe InDesign. It’s just like Quark, only better. Much like how cupcakes are ok without frosting, but add that frosting on there it’s like soo-ooo go-ood! Who wants a cupcake without frosting? Only weird people who don’t like cupcakes without frosting! Actually it’s quite nice when there are sprinkles on there too. Oh wait… What are you saying to me? “InDesign… Quark… events.” Ohhh, right. The point of this email.
Here’s a tip. Just a friendly tip from someone who’s been groovin on the Quark vibe for the past nine years. You should totally, like, make some events that say how great Quark is. Actually now that i type that it sounds kinda silly. Do people want to attend an event just about QUARK? Maybe the meeting needs a catch… Oh i got it.
Picture this… *holds hands up in the air* The cover of your next direct mail campaign to graphic designers nationwide…
In really big type: CUPCAKES!
in really small type: and quark
subhead in red: Get your free cupcakes!
subhead in gray: and quark
Dude, i would so totally go to that event. And it would convince me to stay with Quark instead of InDesign.
a quark user,
Matt Maldre
Maybe they read your comment at unlikelymoose about Quark being a dork?
ha! cupcakes. i’d go if there were cupcakes.
today i received a packet from Quark, introducing me to version 6.5. the packet material said that Adobe was crying over the new Quark. um, i’m pretty sure Adobe is NOT crying. i am not fooled by this marketing ploy!
did the packet say anything about cupcakes?
unfortunately, no.
what exactly did the packet say? did they use the word, “crying”? I want to receive a packet from Quark. I used to manage 25 licenses of Quark XPress. All I got from Quark was an occassional letterhead saying something stupid from the Quark dopes. Actually, I would love to have a free Quark t-shirt. I would wear it all the time. I wish I could get 7 Quark t-shirts so I could wear one each day of the week. I went to a quark seminar back when Quark 5 was just released. They were giving out free t-shirts, and they refused to give me one. A couple days later I emailed Quark asking them to send me a free t-shirt. I never heard back from them. I bet Adobe would give me a free t-shirt.
That’s a great idea, moose! I just wrote the following email to Quark: Subject: Quark vs. InDesign Dear Quark, I am a true blue Quark user since 1996. Let’s face it. We all know that Adobe is scaring the knickers off you guys over at the Quark kingdom. What Quark really needs is an injection of kickin youth vitality. Let’s get Quark back on the cool map. We also all know that people think of Quark as being the old dog on the block. He can be trusted to fetch the paper for us. And he’s always there. But there’s a new robotic dog on the block named InDesign. This young pup is stealing away all the kids on the block. But let’s get those kids back into the land of the Quark kingdom. How? Easy. Free t-shirts. Yes. It’s that simple. Everyone loves a free tshirt. And all the young designers will want one, because it would be so quirky to wear a Quark tshirt around. I’m being for real here, you really need to pay attention here. Think about it. Give out free Quark tshirts to designers. I would certainly wear one. And i’m a hip 29-year-old designer who’s up on these things. Trust me. Once you get everyone wearing these tshirts, it will help to re-establish brand loyalty to Quark. People may wear the t-shirts for the sheer novelty of it. But soon, it will seem into their minds that Quark is cool. Designers who played with the new robotic dog named InDesign will soon switch back to the old trusty Quark. You are free to use this excellent marketing idea at no cost. All i ask for is one of your tshirts. Here’s another free tip. This one is big. Please oh please don’t make them in only XL or L. Those are lame shirts that people only wear to the gym or as pajamas. You gotta offer small or medium. Me, i’d like small. Cool hip designers don’t wear baggy tshirts now-a-days. This ain’t the 90s anymore. Baggy tshirts are so out. And you don’t want to be out. You so want to be in. And what would be really cool is if you had those tshirts that have 3/4 length sleeves. Y’know where the sleeve is a different color from the shirt. Dude, those are so cool. Ok, now that you have all this FREE advice, here’s where you can send me one of your tshirts: Matt Quark-lovin’ Maldre 4809 N. Bell Ave, #1E Chicago, IL 60625
^^^^^^ i actually have a quark tshirt… one of the salesmen i work with brought 2 of them back to the office from PRINT ’05… and a quark button! sadly, the tshirts were L and XL, i kept the L for myself (along with the button) and gave away the XL to a co-worker. i might try to head down to the show to see if i cant grab a couple smalls, cuz i wear S myself.
Good site!